"I LOVE your outfit. I could never pull that off"
The teller at the bank eyes my neon yellow, satin skirt. I'm startled as I wait for her to deposit my check. I've literally rolled out of bed fifteen minutes ago. It's a Saturday, and my check for background work on Mrs. Maisel has just come in. I want to pop that bad boy in my bank account as soon as possible. It's an "in and out" ordeal. I'm not looking for flattery at that point in the day. Apart from the lemon drop skirt, I'm in a white button down, no bra, white sneakers and a polka dot bag. My newly bleached hair is trussed up in a bun. No makeup, except for the concealer hiding the planet-forming on my chin.
But to this woman, I'm killing the game. I believe her praise. From a quick scan of her nails, she clearly has good taste. The rhinestones sparkle on her emerald green acrylics as she hands me my receipt. Once outside the BBT, I look at myself in the glass window to see if she saw something different then what I see.
Yep. Just me.
And pull off what?
Is she allergic to vibrant yellows? Do polka dots make her violently ill upon contact? Was she hiding goat feet under her teller window, making it impossible to wear white sneakers?
Apparently, decorating my worldly vessel is something I've always had a talent for. Attending schools with strict dress codes meant a lifetime of cooking up fashion loopholes. Going through the process with 36Ds also meant an early appreciation for good tailoring.
It hasn't been an easy learning experience. My formative years were during the early to mid 2000s. We worshipped everything low rise, denim, and Von Dutch. All three were banned from my central Pennsylvania private schools. No jeans. No low cut. No writing on shirts. Collared, belted, fingertip rules governed my back to school shopping.
Let's all take a minute to thank my mother.
It's almost like she knew what she was doing during all this, and I never appreciated it.
Even back then, she knew mono-chromatic was the way to go. Covered up co-ords could still be head turning. Sparkle was always the way to go. Things fitting well were more important than what the size was on the tag. Designer labels can only take you so far. It doesn't matter how much money you spent on it if it still looks like shit.
I was spoiled by matching sets in turquoise, lime and bright orange. I had metallic loafers. Long strand necklaces. Velvet blazers. Vintage inspired winter coats in peacock shades. Western style belts, bedazzled during one of her crafting kicks. Any influencer would have died to have my middle school closet. I'd die to have my middle school closet again. I was the best dressed kid in the county. But I didn't want to be.
I was heavy into a "I'm not like other girls" phase. I wanted to be cloaked in darkness. I wanted everything I owned to be black, purple, or silver. I had the classic emo haircut with the severe slanted bang. I hated pop music. I hated pink. I hated every single color that wasn't in my chosen trinity. On the weekends I lived in a XL, My Chemical Romance sweatshirt that engulfed me. I assumed every girl my age I met hated me, so I hated her first. I hated myself the most. If made people notice me, I didn't want it. It took years for me to be able to care for my body in a well-rounded way. That includes how I adorned it.
Nobody looks bad in leopard print. Channel those early 2000s by searching for it in various shades. Photo By Amanda Swiger
I believe fashion is a form of self-care. I've lived it. I know when you're in a bad place mentally or emotionally, it reflects in how you see yourself. You don't want to wear clothes that are tight, colorful, attention-seeking. People might look at you. People might see you. That's the last thing you want. Even as a sad little goth, I still craved what I saw other girls wearing. I craved color. I craved sparkle. I wished I was allowed to wear and love the things I saw in the windows. I wished I was allowed to dress myself the way my mother saw me, young and fresh with the world open to me. I was learning a lot about clothes, but I could have enjoyed the ride more. Because the road's become less bumpy, and the ride has become much more fun.
A few pieces of advice I'll give to people.
I want to add this advice applies to all genders. I can only write from a cis woman's experience, but I never stop the tricks of the trade. The feats of ingenuity trans and non binary people never cease to amaze me. You might be surprised what you learn and where you learn it.
Get Covered in Color
From the workplace to the study space, dress codes haunt us. Exposed shoulders and bare knees send everyone into a tizzy (If you don't believe me, do a google search for "shame shirts". You'll be enraged but educated.) Curvier bodies throw more curve balls. Personally, I think all these rules are just another, subversive way to control women's bodies, and teach teenage girls to be even more ashamed in their bodies. But there's always a way to beat the system. For instance, I have very small hands. The fingertip rule was always hanging over my head. So I amassed a tight and stocking collection that now takes up two drawers. I love things that have patterns, stars or iridescent fabric. It's a way to draw attention to your legs while creating the illusion you're as covered as a nun. Don't feel like shaving your legs? Tights. Want to accessorize a uniform? Tights. Feeling bloated but can't face the Spanx? Tights. Want a little sexy for the office while maintain that ice queen exterior? Tights.
Tights. Camisoles. Scarves. Belts. If the world tries to tell you how to dress, tell it right back you still have the power.
Printed Jackets work for everyone, every age, every gender. Don't be afraid to look in the mens or women's section if you see a print that catches your attention. I found this in the men's section of a charity shop. Its light weight and perfect to throw on over jeans or a dressier outfit if you want a kick to your OOTD
It's All In the Details
As a former cosplayer, I love planting details in my ensembles. As a performer, I love the allure of trying on new looks and personas. In high school, I loved the Sandman comics by Neil Gaiman. My favorite character was Delirium. She's a mythical, mischievous character. She's based on Tori Amos, with fiery hair and an eighties punk aesthetic. It was this character that made me start incorporating more color into my wardrobe. I experimented with neon. I tried out fishnets. I wore a fish pin, like my beloved character's companion in the comics. Nobody got it expect me, but it gave me so much joy.
If you've got that little nerdy side, don't be afraid to wear it with pride. Full costume in the office isn't usually an option. Colors, shapes or simple symbols let you have something just to yourself as you go through the day. I'm also a huge fan of enamel pins. They aren't just something for teenagers to decorate their backpacks with. Pins on the end of your shirt collars or lapels are perfectly professional as well as conversation starters. Disney bounders and casual cosplayers are a great place to look for inspiration.
My favorite costume I've ever worn in a production of Carlo Gozzi's The Green Bird. MAYBE this isn't the most professional outfit for my day job. But you bet I've got enough jewel tones and gold accents to channel my inner, evil queen any day of the week
Go with the Flow.
Tuck it in. Squeeze it in. Suck it in. There are all these contraptions that bend you into that Coke bottle shape we're all taught to want. It's nothing new. It's a tactic that dates back to the Victorian area. Corralling a voluptuous shape was a metaphor to corralling the woman. Billowing dresses without proper undergarments meant freedom of appetite of all kinds. Modern women have reclaimed the corset. I know many friends who perform as pinups or burlesque dancers. They liken the corsets to a constant hug, a reason to stand up straight with pride. That's their strength. But for other women, it feels like a requirement to suit up and shape up.
I thank God every day for pajama fashion. It's a trend that's been around since the 1920s that has mercifully been on the up and up. I think it can be a great alternative to the pencil skirt and blouse. Matching and monochromatic have a way of making us look more put together than we feel. It's the same power as the wrap dress. Everyone will coo about how "dressed up" you look when maybe you're hung-over and don't feel like trying to match too many fabric tubes.
Pajama sets are also perfect for changing bodies. Bodies are sneaky things. They have a way of shifting overnight and leaving us in a panic. I was just talking to a friend dealing with some medical issues. How she carries her weight is now uncomfortably in the front, something she's not used to. Her dresses and tops are now tight in a way that makes her self conscious. Same goes for a friend that is recently pregnant. She couldn't be happier, except for the excessive sweating and new life living in sweatpants. A third friend, eager to experiment with gender expression had difficulty finding something that could be swayed from androgynous to highly feminine. To all three, I say look to the silky, easy-breezy, timeless elegance of a matching pajama set.
Invest To Impress.
We live in the era of fast fashion. Never has it been easier to find that exact piece we want to add to our wardrobes. But it's important to remember implies buys aren't always going to last. One day maybe you won't be the type of person who wants to own a lime green PVC bodysuit.
Maybe.
White shirts of all kinds are a good purchase. T-shirts, button downs, blouses are easy to personalize and look great on everyone.
Denim is the new neutral. Jackets. Dresses. Pants. Overalls. Personally, I've never been a fan of distressed denim. Thick legs mean every time I buy jeans with holes, the holes will inevitably stretch until all that remains is a pair of jean leg warmers.
Comfortable black boots.
Years of going through airport security and performing in plays have left me with a collection of easily removable shoes. High arches and bad ankles means I have to have support. KEDs and cheap sneakers don't do it for me. I need something that will let me be on my feet all day. Take the time to find what your foot shape is, and find the best quality shoes in that design.
A good raincoat.
I've seen some truly unfortunate rainwear. Everyone looks like they're either hiking in Washington State or are covering a hurricane on the Weather Channel. Raincoats need to be durable, but they can also be stylish. Going the vintage route usually is the best way to find something colorful and fitted. It might take some searching, but there are plenty of websites that will yield the perfect fit, without leaving you looking like the Gordon's Fisherman.
As I finish writing this article, I'm getting ready to go to my first black tie event as an adult. Finding the right dress was almost immediate. Lucky for me, one of my reliable standbys ASOS, pulled back the curtain to reveal it to me. It's a little bit of an accumulation of my style journey. It's a long black gown, strapless with dropped, puff sleeves. It's covered in filigree, decorating the bodice with white, pink, and green. My earrings are pearls with dangling leopards, symbolic of my favorite mythical creatures, the maenads. My shoes are green ankle boots, practical and pretty to take my steps in the world.